Anne – age 43
It was strange that when our daughter was born I thought it would bring us closer together, but unfortunately it seemed to be a catalyst for even more bad feeling and arguments. We’d got married when both only 21, so most people said it was too young, but we just seemed to click in every way, until about five years ago. Steve was working all the hours on his new business venture and I was working as a teaching assistant, every thing seemed to going well in terms of finances, but Steve started to become a bit distant and withdrawn. His funny anecdotes and good humour seemed to change over a period of a couple of months. The sad thing was that it was one of the best things that I loved about him.
We idled along for a few months but our issues came to a head when I fell pregnant with Aimee. We argued like never before and for the first time in our marriage, I actually felt it might be the end. Constant bickering became the norm for us, and after Aimee was born it got worse. I tried talking to Steve but just got either silence or abuse. After a while I’d had enough and decided that we needed to seek help.
A friend recommended Alix, who had helped her marriage, so I gave her a call and arranged an appointment. I told Steve that it was the last chance, and he got the message and agreed to come along. Alix was brilliant, she made such a difference, in fact I would go as far as to say that she saved our marriage.
One of the overriding problems I see in my practice in terms of couples counselling is when a previously happy couple stop communicating with each other. In many ways this was what Anne and Steve, were having an issue with. Steve’s new venture had piled on the financial pressure ,and the subsequent impending birth of their daughter, was an additional worry for him, which unfortunately he didn’t really convey to his wife. In addition, when the only form of communication between a couple is bickering and arguments, the obvious reaction from both parties is not to talk. This then becomes a vicious circle that leads to disastrous results if not resolved.
Fortunately Anne and Steve came to me at a point whereby we were able to go through all of their issues and change the communication dynamics. With support and guidance I was able to help them see the situation from each others perspective and they were able to share feelings and discuss new solutions to their problems which brought them closer together and reignited their once loving relationship.