MOVING ON AFTER DIVORCE OR SEPARATION
The end of a relationship is always going to be a difficult time. It is a time when you need and rely upon the support of your family and friends but even with the best friends in the world, you might be having trouble coming to terms with it or moving on. Alix Needham has helped many clients, both men and women, to move forward from divorce or separation.
Not only is an independent point of view very useful to hear but, through her practise, Alix Needham can advise and assist you making sure that you feel good about yourself, that your professional life does not suffer and that you have a realistic yet positive view of how you are to move on.
Here you will find some brief extracts from Alix’s book, The Stress Management Kit. If a relationship has recently ended, the following is some practical advice that can really help.
The end of every relationship is unique and brings its own problems. Offering counselling and therapy that works to put you in control, feeling positive and ready to move forward.
It is natural to go through a grieving period even if you wanted the relationship to end. Grieving does not follow a typical pattern but there are recognisable symptoms. The initial impact of emotional loss may be physical devastation with the sufferer unable to eat or sleep.
This can be followed by the following stages:
Stage of Relief or euphoria
Stage of Anger – How could they do this to me?
Stage of Denial – Running scenes through your mind of how it could have been different.
Stage of Numbness – Where a person switches off from the pain and feels as if they are just going through the motions of life.
Grief stricken people can loose faith that they have control over their lives and often loose interest in life for a short while. This short term misery can make you ill, more vulnerable to infection, stomach aches, backaches headaches…sometimes called psychosomatic but none the less real.
GETTING OVER SEPARATION – SOME PRACTICAL TIPS:
1- Allow yourself time to go through these emotions and express them. Let it out.
2 – Talk to friend’s relatives and anyone who will offer support.
3 – Don’t blame yourself or be hard on yourself if you feel you arereacting badly.
4 -Don’t drown your sorrows, you’ll only feel worse.
5 – Keep to a healthy routine.
6 – Be nice to yourself – pamper yourself. Have a massage.
7 – Exercise – even just walking with a friend.
8 – Keep a good diet.
9 – Buy yourself flowers .
10 – Make a plan for the future. Set some new goals.
11 – Keep busy, don’t spend too much time on your own.
12 – Change your routine, join a class and meet new people.
13 – Don’t rush to find a replacement. Take time to recover first.
14 – Do some fun activities, see a funny film to act as a distraction.
15 – Write down your feelings on paper so as to distance yourself fromthem.
16 – Take your worse negative thought and turn it into an affirmation. e.g.”I’ll never find someone else.” becomes “There are loads of attractive people out there”.
17 – Try to understand what you both might have done to cause the break-up. When you get this understanding it’s easier to get over it, as you are taking responsibility for your part and gaining self knowledge for the future.
18 – If you are having difficulty getting over it and still feel dreadful then its time to seek professional help not because you are abnormal but because lack of understanding can make you feel worse. To recover you must start having emotional faith in yourself once again.
A final word on separation and divorce
Separation or divorce can be very traumatic and can cause a number of stress related symptoms. It is important to remember that you can re-build. If you feel that your separation is causing you stress and you need help in getting over it. Contact Alix Needham for a completely free consultation 0207 935 1965 or email email@example.com