We’re often taught that we need to be strict with ourselves, monitoring our performance and developing our skills to achieve more. But actually half the battle is separating what is useful to us and what is damaging. You spend so much time in your own company doesn’t it make sense to become someone who can self-motivate, boost productivity and work positively, rather than making yourself more anxious, stressed or depressed.
We are all guilty of being our own worst enemy sometimes and these are often the most common indicators.
You aren’t kind to yourself
You should treat yourself in the same way that you would treat a good friend. Be kind, treat yourself well and relax when you need it. Focus on what you do well as well as things you want to develop. If a friend criticised you all the time, you would take a step back. It’s the same with your own mind. If you can’t be kind to yourself, who else will?
You don’t take the time to appreciate the small things
It’s easy to focus on life’s troubles and your own issues but you need to allow yourself the joy of stopping and appreciating the small things in life. Stop to smell the roses!
As well as allowing yourself time to relax and enjoy life make sure you also appreciate the good things about yourself – no matter how small they might seem.
You criticise yourself too much
It’s natural to self-criticise now and again but when this becomes too harsh or destructive it’s no longer constructive. Soften your self-criticism and reframe your thoughts with a more positive, outlook. Instead of “I’m a failure at work and will never succeed” try, “I know there are things I could improve at work in order to be more successful”.
This approach is more productive and results focused because there’s nowhere to go from “I’m a failure” but if you identify what you need to improve you can then find practical ways to develop.
If we over-analyse every situation it can be hard to focus on anything positive. We tend to see the worst in things when we look too deeply. It’s good to take things at face value. For example, you get invited to a party by a new friend. You feel a bit strange at first but you take it on face value – she must want to get to know you better.
If we over analyse the mind starts to play tricks on us. Why is she really inviting us? Have we done something to upset her? What is she really thinking? Accept life for what it is. Be positive.
You’re unrealistic when it comes to yourself
When we’re analysing our own qualities or behaviour we tend to be harsher than when we’re looking at others. Are you being overly critical when you think about your own behaviour, qualities or goals?
On the other hand, perhaps you’re setting yourself goals that are too ambitious or unrealistic. It’s good to have dreams but aiming unrealistically high regularly results in failure. Celebrate the effort and journey as well as the end result.
You assume too much
How many times have you played out conversations in your head or assumed you know what someone else is thinking? Are they really out to get you? Did they not reply to your email because they are angry? Did you really make a bad impression? It’s important to separate assumptions from facts.
How To Be Your Own Best Friend
It can be simple to change these behaviours and learn how to motivate yourself, boost your confidence and be your own best friend. I help many clients develop more sustainable, positive and effective ways of analysing and supporting themselves.
If you’d like to learn more please do get in touch.