Dealing with a divorce is one of the most stressful events in many people’s lives. Whatever the circumstances that led to your divorce, it can be hard to adjust to life without your spouse. Feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment, betrayal, fear, sadness and confusion are all common. Luckily, there are steps we can take to help us cope with divorce and protect our mental, physical and emotional wellbeing.
Time to Grieve
After such an unsettling event in your life it’s important to realise that everything you’re feeling is normal. Allow yourself time to grieve in whatever way is best for you. Try and set a specific time frame in which to do this, and then move on. Letting go and deciding to move on with life is an important step that can sometimes be hard to achieve. It will happen in time. Whilst you’re waiting, try not to worry about everything at once – our minds can be our own worst enemies. Deal with each thing as it arises as calmly and efficiently as you can.
A good support network can be the key to surviving difficult experiences and it’s no different for divorce. Talk to supportive friends and family, reach out to your community or neighbours for support, or talk to a divorce counsellor, therapist or life coach. Don’t be tempted to isolate yourself or try to cope alone.
Divorce counselling can help you work through your emotions and the practical steps you need to take to move on. They will help you feel more prepared when dealing with all the new feelings and situations that coping with divorce brings.
When you’re married, sometimes your sense of self becomes dependent on your role as a wife or relationship to your partner. After a divorce you’ll need to redefine yourself. Remember what you used to enjoy or explore new hobbies. Try volunteering or join a new class or group.
Taking some time to focus on yourself is an important step in regaining any lost self-confidence. Don’t move on too soon or be tempted to seek support in a rebound relationship. Embrace your independence for a while. A coaching session could help you refocus and make plans for your future.
If you have children you’ll want to minimise any negative impact on them. Keep things civil in front of them and don’t force them to take sides. Make sure you spend lots of quality time with them and explain the situation to them carefully. Seek support from a professional if things get tough or you’re unsure.
Make sure you are fully aware of your financial situation and keep control of your income and outgoings. Seeking professional financial and legal advice can be very helpful. Other things to consider might be childcare, your housing situation and employment options.
In difficult times it’s important to make sure you don’t forget your own wellbeing. Eat well, exercise, sleep enough and take time to relax with meditation or hobbies. Practise stress management techniques and ensure you don’t fall into bad habits or negative coping techniques.
Let Go and Forgive
When you’re ready, it is healthy to let go of any resentment or blame you feel. Try to remember the good times and let go of the bad. It’s important that you can still be civil with your previous partner, especially if you have children. Seeing a family therapist can be extremely helpful.
If you’d like any more help or information on the subject of surviving divorce I can help. Please do get in touch with me using my contact form or on 02079 351965 / firstname.lastname@example.org.