What is Stoptober? Stoptober takes place during the month of October and is a nationwide…
Confessions of an Alcoholic
Are you looking to stop drinking? Is your relationship with alcohol spoiling your life? If so, you’re not alone . Here is the confession of an alcoholic
When Drinking I would be:
- Spending a lot of money
- Getting carried away and my judgement would fail me
- Doing foolish things
- Damaging my physical wellbeing by drinking alcohol
- Ignoring my failing marriage
- Remaining numb
- Taking time off work
- Missing opportunities to advance my career
- Being unreliable
- Behaving in a dishonest way
- Treating people close to me badly
- I wouldn’t think clearly
- Getting paranoid
- Feeling depressed and wanting to cry
- Emotionally volatile
- Thinking in mind numbing loops
- Undermining my ability to commit to anything
- Not stopping because I thought I would get bored
- Fearing that reality was painful
- Thinking people would think I was dull
Unfortunately, I wouldn’t stop because I was a functional alcoholic. Doing enough to convince myself I didn’t have a problem. But slowly over time everything, turned. Because, more often than not, I drank
Initially, I was drinking just a glass or two one day. However, it soon became a bottle a day. Then later massive binges. Most days drinking just enough to self medicate.
And I would get carried away and not come home because home made me feel worse.
In addition, my children were noticing that most days I was drinking.
And it worried them – it slowly but surely had a hand in shaping their personalities.
I wasn’t listening to anyone. When people told me, I ignored them.
It was only when that car crash happened I woke up. Acknowledging that I’d slowly been drifting through an alcoholic, self-medicating haze. Moreover, becoming more aware that I was damaging people, my marriage, myself and my career. In short, deciding I was ready to stop. I had to stop.
It’s early days but already I’m feeling healthier, more optimistic with more energy. I’m thinking with enthusiasm and inventiveness. Plus, feeling more honest and less depressed. Although still scared and uncertain, I’m feeling more in charge. Furthermore, taking responsibility for my children. And I’m not sneaking around anymore.
Finally, I know what I have to do.