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How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone You Can’t Have

How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone

let it go and free yourself from obsessionAn obsession, especially with someone you can’t have, can be all-consuming, It can seriously affect your everyday life and even lead to anxiety and depression. Sometimes obsessive thoughts stem from conditions like OCD. Whilst others come from unfulfilled desires or a strong attachment to someone. This can be distressing when the feelings are directed at someone unavailable or inaccessible.

What is an Obsession?

How do you know if you’re obsessed with someone? Warning signs include:

  • constantly thinking about them
  • feeling unhappy and out of control
  • starting to lose your own identity
  • changes in your behaviour or moods
  • revolving your life around them
  • your happiness depends on them

Ways to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have

Get some distance

Firstly, put some distance between you and the person you’re obsessing over. In this way, you can achieve a healthy mental separation. This can be challenging at first. However, being too close to someone you can’t have will only fuel this unhealthy relationship. As time goes by you’ll find it becoming easier.

Stop feeding the obsession

Secondly, an obsession needs to be fed to remain strong. Thinking of or seeing that person may be giving you a burst of pleasure as it temporarily feeds the desire. However, you’re only fuelling something which is damaging to your own life. Try to stop obsessing about them, talking about them and seeing them whenever possible.

If they pop into your head, which they inevitably will, acknowledge the thought and gently tell yourself you’ve decided not to indulge this right now, and distract yourself with other things until the thoughts pass.


In the midst of a strong obsession you might find that you let all other aspects of your life go unattended. Friends, family and work might all benefit from a bit of extra attention. So try using these as distractions as well as finding happiness in other areas of your life.

Many people find that a new job, moving house or going travelling is a helpful new start and aids them in moving on from harmful obsessions.

Living in the moment

Meditation is an extremely helpful practice for people who struggle with obsessions, as it teaches them to live in the moment, engage their senses and enjoy the world around them rather than in their head.

It also helps people learn to deal with unwanted thoughts – acknowledging their presence but gently moving them aside and refusing to feed them. This is useful because the chances are if you tell yourself not to think about something at all, it’s likely that’s all you will think about – just like chocolate when on a diet!

New habits

Try encouraging yourself to change your routine and give your mind something new to focus on. Whether it’s a new hobby, new look, new people or new places. This signals to your brain that this is a time of change. Moreover, encouraging you to look to the future rather than the past.

Obsessing over yourself

When we put all our energy into obsessing over a relationship or another person we tend not to have any energy left for ourselves. Try instead, becoming obsessed with yourself for a bit. Build your self-esteem, try new looks, focus on what you love, try new passions and do all you can to make yourself happy outside of the obsession. Don’t let your happiness depend on someone who doesn’t love you back. Learn to love yourself instead.

Therapy for Obsessions

I help many clients deal with obsessive thoughts and behaviours. When you’re obsessed with a person you can’t have, it can be extremely upsetting and damaging to your life.

Hypnotherapy can weaken the unhealthy thought and behaviours patterns. As well as stopping the obsessing over the person you can’t have. In doing so, you can enjoy life again feeling free and happy. I can help you explore the reasons for the obsession and create an action plan to help you move on.

Whatever your individual circumstances, hypnotherapy is proven to be fast acting and effective with this type of problem. Together we can replace negative associations with positive and anxiety with calm.

If you’d like the chance to regain control of your thoughts and take charge of your life again, please do get in touch. Or, read more about what to expect from a hypnotherapy session here.

Would You Like A Complimentary Consultation?

Now could be the perfect time to see if online hypnotherapy can provide you with a much needed boost.
If you’re not sure, why not try an initial complimentary 15 minute session?

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More Reading on Relationships

When the relationship’s ended but you can’t move on

Anxious about forming new relationships

8 steps towards detaching from your ex

Coping with grief

Building confidence

How to get over self sabotaging behaviour

Finding your ideal partner 

My techniques guarantee that you remain in control at every session. These techniques, developed over 25 years, are so effective that many issues can be addressed in as little as three sessions and my location in the very heart of London means you can book sessions to work around work.

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