How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone You Can’t Have

How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone

An obsession, especially with someone you can’t have, can be all-consuming, It can seriously affect your everyday life and even lead to anxiety and depression. Sometimes obsessive thoughts stem from conditions like OCD. Whilst others come from unfulfilled desires or a strong attachment to someone. This can be distressing when the feelings are directed at someone unavailable or inaccessible.

What is an Obsession?

How do you know if you’re obsessed with someone? Warning signs include:

constantly thinking about them
feeling unhappy and out of control
starting to lose your own identity
changes in your behaviour or moods
revolving your life around them
your happiness depends on them

Ways to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have

Get some distance

Firstly, put some distance between you and the person you’re obsessing over. In this way, you can achieve a healthy mental separation. This can be challenging at first. However, being too close to someone you can’t have will only fuel this unhealthy relationship. As time goes by you’ll find it becoming easier.

Stop feeding the obsession

Secondly, an obsession needs to be fed to remain strong. Thinking of or seeing that person may be giving you a burst of pleasure as it temporarily feeds the desire. However, you’re only fuelling something which is damaging to your own life. Try to stop obsessing about them, talking about them and seeing them whenever possible.

If they pop into your head, which they inevitably will, acknowledge the thought and gently tell yourself you’ve decided not to indulge this right now, and distract yourself with other things until the thoughts pass.

Distraction

In the midst of a strong obsession you might find that you let all other aspects of your life go unattended. Friends, family and work might all benefit from a bit of extra attention. So try using these as distractions as well as finding happiness in other areas of your life.

Many people find that a new job, moving house or going travelling is a helpful new start and aids them in moving on from harmful obsessions.

Living in the moment

Meditation is an extremely helpful practice for people who struggle with obsessions, as it teaches them to live in the moment, engage their senses and enjoy the world around them rather than in their head.

It also helps people learn to deal with unwanted thoughts – acknowledging their presence but gently moving them aside and refusing to feed them. This is useful because the chances are if you tell yourself not to think about something at all, it’s likely that’s all you will think about – just like chocolate when on a diet!

New habits

Try encouraging yourself to change your routine and give your mind something new to focus on. Whether it’s a new hobby, new look, new people or new places. This signals to your brain that this is a time of change. Moreover, encouraging you to look to the future rather than the past.

Obsessing over yourself

When we put all our energy into obsessing over a relationship or another person we tend not to have any energy left for ourselves. Try instead, becoming obsessed with yourself for a bit. Build your self-esteem, try new looks, focus on what you love, try new passions and do all you can to make yourself happy outside of the obsession. Don’t let your happiness depend on someone who doesn’t love you back. Learn to love yourself instead.

Therapy for Obsessions

I help many clients deal with obsessive thoughts and behaviours. When you’re obsessed with a person you can’t have, it can be extremely upsetting and damaging to your life.

Hypnotherapy can weaken the unhealthy thought and behaviours patterns. As well as stopping the obsessing over the person you can’t have. In doing so, you can enjoy life again feeling free and happy. I can help you explore the reasons for the obsession and create an action plan to help you move on.

Whatever your individual circumstances, hypnotherapy is proven to be fast acting and effective with this type of problem. Together we can replace negative associations with positive and anxiety with calm.

If you’d like the chance to regain control of your thoughts and take charge of your life again, please do get in touch. Or, read more about what to expect from a hypnotherapy session here.

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Alix Needham

My techniques guarantee that you remain in control at every session. These techniques, developed over 25 years, are so effective that many issues can be addressed in as little as three sessions and my location in the very heart of London means you can book sessions to work around work.

The Two Faces of Unresolved Anger
Internal Vs External Anger – How to Manage Both Effectively When you think of anger what comes to mind? Perhaps a shouting, red-faced person hurling insults? How about a quiet, anxious person hiding in their home? This second example isn’t what most people commonly associate with anger but, as a therapist, I know how complex anger can be. Anger is responsible for many different issues. You might not always realise that unresolved anger is to blame. So, what are the two sides of anger? The Two Faces of Anger When a person struggles with anger there are many ways it can affect them. Anger isn’t unhealthy – it’s a normal human emotion. But it can be difficult to deal with effectively. Firstly, because it’s such a strong emotion and, secondly, because there’s a lot of social stigmas associated with anger. There are many unhelpful ways we try to process our anger. This leads to more problems. Anger causes both an emotional and physical reaction. 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Anger & Destructive Behaviour When anger elicits a feeling of shame or lack of control some people turn to unhealthy behaviours to try and negate this. They try to combat the feeling with coping behaviours that help them feel in control or as a way of punishing themselves. Self-harm is associated with anger. It is something some people use to process the feelings or to punish themselves for feeling angry in the first place. Not all self-harm is immediately obvious. Consider dangerous activities and sports, recklessness, excessive alcohol consumption, drug misuse and over/under eating. These might distract from negative emotions for a while, but at the end of the day you are actually punishing and harming yourself. Anger Turned Inwards Another way people deal with unresolved anger is to suppress or redirect it. They push it down, turn it inward, or try and convert it to something else. Distraction and forced positivity can work for a while, but eventually they lead to greater problems. Internalised anger can cause physical symptoms such as high blood pressure, depression, headaches and tension. It can also lead to passive aggressive behaviour which is not good for relationships. People who tend to focus anger inwards may be socially withdrawn, sulky, irritable and grumpy. A lot of my clients come to me about things other than anger. They don’t realise that anger is actually the root cause. That’s why hypnotherapy is so valuable. For effective change and relief, you need to treat the cause, not just the symptoms. Pent up anger can cause a general feeling of being ‘on-edge’ and ill at ease. It simmers away under the surface and may present as anxiety or depression. Controlling such a strong emotion takes a toll both physically and mentally. Many people suffer with chronic fatigue as a result. Anger & Low Self Esteem There’s also a link between low self esteem and anger. Feeling angry all the time can really damage someone’s self-esteem. Some people who are anger avoidant do not want to experience or express anger at all. They feel it makes them a bad person and this triggers shame. It’s completely healthy and normal to feel anger but some people find experiencing this powerful emotion extremely distressing. This is often seen in those whose upbringing discouraged these kind of emotions or those who have been exposed to violence or abuse. People who have deep shame attached to anger may become isolated and avoid socialising. They may feel depressed or have social anxiety. When they experience anger or the related shame, they may display physical signs such as sweating, blushing, or shaking, which makes them feel even worse. Conversely, sometimes anger is caused by confidence and self esteem issues. When we learn to recognise, allow and use anger positively, we feel validated and more competent. Anger & Anxiety Some families, particularly in previous generations, did not allow children to feel angry. They saw this as bad behaviour and would attempt to deny or control these emotions in their children rather than help them acknowledge and manage them. If you were raised in a family where your feelings of anger were rarely acknowledged, you may not recognise them now. You might mistake them for fear, anxiety or panic. Anger can be a very strong emotion and this in itself can make us anxious if we don’t understand it. However, this is especially true if we are programmed to fear anger as something destructive. Learning to recognise anger, accepting it, and using it to understand ourselves can give us a new sense of power and peace. How to Express Anger Healthily The best way to deal with anger is to express it in a constructive and safe way. Effective and assertive communication can be a good way to do this. The key is to express your needs, boundaries and feelings whilst being respectful and not aggressive. If expressing your anger isn’t possible or appropriate, you may be able to calm the anger. To do this effectively you will need to control your internal thoughts and responses, […]
Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? – How Hypnotherapy Can Help You
What is a Highly Sensitive Person? A highly sensitive person or HSP is someone who has a very high sensitivity to external stimuli. This can be physical, social or emotional. The term was introduced by psychologists Elaine Aron and Arthur Aron in the mid-1990s but it describes something that has been known of for a lot longer. Illustration / Victoria Eve HSP is not the same as SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) which is a diagnosable condition. It is also not the same as being introverted, although there may be some overlap. Being a highly sensitive person involves a set of common personality traits or characteristics. It is thought that around 20% of the general population are highly sensitive people. Is there a Test for a Highly Sensitive Person? If you aren’t sure if you are a HSP you can look at the Aron’s Highly Sensitive Persons Scale (HSPS). Highly Sensitive Person Traits Avoiding high conflict or violence in TV shows and moviesParticularly sensitive to pain, caffeine or other drugsBeing deeply moved by arts or musicSeen as a very shy or sensitive childGet very nervous in high pressure situationsFeeling easily overwhelmed by loud noises, crowds, bright lights or uncomfortable clothingA strong need for downtime or alone time especially after social eventsDeep empathy and upset at others’ situationsEasily startledA rich and complex inner dialogue with deep thoughts and strong emotionsFeeling hunger very strongly and becoming easily ‘hangry’ Benefits of Being a HSP For sensitive people the lows in life may be felt very keenly but equally the highs are too. HSPs are generally very grateful for what they have in life and this strong sense of gratitude can greatly increase happiness. Dangers of Being a HSP Being a HSP brings both benefits and challenges. Stress HSPs can be more susceptible to stress. This includes work stress, personal stress and social stress. HSPs are very socially astute and can perceive many different ways in which things can go wrong. They are sensitive to conflict and can perceive tensions and hostility when others may not. Sensitive people can also struggle with high demands and hectic schedules. Plus, things we all tolerate during our days such as noises, smells and hunger may take more out of a HSP. Self –Doubt HSPs tend to be their own worst critics and can be very prone to self-doubt, embarrassment and blushing. They may ruminate on mistakes for a lot longer than a non HSP. They can often struggle in situations where they are required to perform under a watchful eye such as tests, public speaking or job interviews. It’s not that they are less capable, but they are very aware of the things that can go wrong and also of how their stress is affecting their performance. Relationships A highly sensitive person is capable of building very deep relationships but may struggle with some aspects. They may take things to heart and be very easily offended. If they are feeling overwhelmed they can lash out or become emotionally aggressive. They may be very deeply affected by their partner’s moods, both negative and positive, meaning they try very hard to make them happy. HSPs can feel other people’s disappointment and troubles very keenly so can get stuck in the trap of people pleasing. Because highly sensitive people can sense when things are ‘a little off’ they tend to do better with open people who are good communicators. People who keep things pent up can trigger great stress for them. They may also be more upset when a relationship ends. Highly Sensitive Person Coping Strategies Learn to say no when you need toBuild resilienceCreate a calm space for yourselfSchedule regular breaks and positive experiencesAvoid known stressors if possiblePrioritise communication in relationshipsLearn to control thoughts and behaviour in highly stressed situationsAvoid negativity spiralsEnjoy the small thingsAvoid tiredness, hunger and excessive caffeineSpend time in nature What Hypnotherapy Can Do For You If you feel like you might be an HSP there a number of ways in which I might be able to help you. Many HSPs avoid asking for help as they can feel overwhelmed by the idea of opening up. However, my approach is very unobtrusive and tailored to you. I can help you develop coping strategies for when you feel most disjointed or stressed. I can help you reframe your beliefs about relationships, work and your personal life making you more resilient and positive. We can work together for real lasting change. Hypnotherapy is the best way to change subconscious beliefs and personality traits such as this with minimal effort and willpower. Why not try it and see how much easier it can make your life? Either from the comfort of your own home via online sessions, or in my London hypnotherapy clinic. Contact me today for a free, no-obligation discussion. Book Now Related Reading Hypnotherapy treatment for stress Do You Worry Too Much What Others Think? Is approval seeking behaviour holding you back? How to Avoid Burnout When Working From Home Online Hypnotherapy Online Life Coaching
How Forgiveness Can Change Your Life
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Anger Management – How to Deal with Your Anger
Managing Your Anger Anger management is a commonly used term but many people struggle with it. There is no doubt that for many the stresses and strains of the recent crisis have created an overpowering range of emotions, which can often display themselves as anger. In addition, early life experiences from childhood or teenage years may well have inadvertently caused issues that now cause anger. In reality, the problem arises when anger erupts in an uncontrollable manner. Causes of Anger There can be many reasons why you may feel angry in the course of a day and this is normal. However, for some people, anger is a dominant emotion and can become a serious issue when it becomes uncontrollable on a regular basis. The cause of uncontrollable anger lies in the individual’s emotional intelligence and their inability to manage their emotions appropriately, Ideally we want to defuse an emotive situation before anger takes over. What Does Anger Look Like? Anger can display itself in a wide variety of ways as testified by media imagery describing road rage, domestic violence and other forms of aggressive behaviours. For people with this emotional issue, outbursts of anger can have significantly detrimental long term effects on their health and welfare and those who are closest to that person. The problem is how to bring the anger under control so that it is no longer such a destructive form of expression. This is where anger management comes into its own. How Does Anger Management Work? Anger management works on several levels. Firstly, it looks to find the root cause of the problem – why is anger such a common emotional state for you? Then, what triggers the anger? I help the individual learn how to recognise the triggers and how to manage them. This can be achieved with hypnotherapy, which, if conducted by an experienced hypnotherapist, can have a hugely beneficial impact on the individual and the family as a whole. It does this by enabling the individual to access and understand the reasons for their anger and also methods which can be utilised to manage their anger. Next Steps for Anger Help Are you ready to explore the causes of your anger? Would you like to learn to control it and enjoy a happier life for both you and your loved ones? If you’d like more information about hypnotherapy for anger please do get in touch. I can offer hypnotherapy appointments in my London clinic or with online hypnotherapy at a time and place to suit you. I am pleased to offer a free, no-obligation initial consultation. Book Now Further Reading on Anger Managing Anger in Relationships Help for Anger That’s Out of Control Hypnotherapy for Anger
How to Deal with Loneliness
Loneliness is a common experience. We can experience it even when surrounded by people. Although our modern world has a number of ways to keep in touch, without genuine connection and understanding, we can all feel lonely. Many of my clients ask me how to deal with loneliness. Causes of Loneliness Loneliness can be a symptom or result of other problems. Relationship difficulties, social phobias or issues like depression can all be linked to loneliness. Social anxiety can stand in the way of making connections with people, however much you may want to. Those who suffer with complex mental health issues such as anxiety or depression may find it difficult to connect with people. Not everyone understands such issues. For others, loneliness comes after a change in circumstances or loss of an existing social circle. Examples include bereavement, moving house or changing jobs. Symptoms of Loneliness Loneliness is the feeling of being alone, misunderstood, disconnected and isolated. These feelings can lead to depression, stress, anxiety, social isolation, sleep issues, disengagement, and low self esteem If we figure out how to deal with loneliness, other symptoms may be relived. Tips to Overcome Loneliness Seek like-minded people You could try joining a group of like-minded people such as a carer’s forum, hobby group or new class. There are many societies which offer companionship and social opportunities. Search for one that seems right to you. You can explore peer support services, volunteering or online groups. Work on openness and communication Working on your ability to open up and trust people may help you build new relationships. Perhaps take a look at your communication skills. Explore the cause of your loneliness in therapy Finding the root cause of your loneliness can help you overcome it. Sometimes the causes are clear and simple and all we need is an action plan to get back on track. Other times the causes are deep rooted and complex and it’s by addressing these that the feelings of loneliness can be overcome. Build confidence and self-esteem It can be easy to look at other people, especially online, and think that everyone else is happy all the time. The truth is most people feel lonely sometimes. Avoid comparing yourself to others too much, Work on building your own self-esteem, confidence and authenticity. Practice self-care Good habits including healthy eating, exercise and sleep can improve our mental wellbeing and are a good place to start. How I Can Help With Loneliness I help many clients overcome loneliness and the surrounding issues. A life coaching session can help you take stock of your situation and make a practical plan to move forward. We can explore ideas for progress and take action. A hypnotherapy session could help you explore the causes of your loneliness. Together we can release the blocks which are causing you to feel lonely. We can explore issues of self-confidence, social anxiety, depression or anything else which might be related. Often, starting from within, is the most powerful way to change your outward situation. Online Hypnotherapy & Life Coaching For those unable to make it into my London hypnotherapy clinic, I am able to offer hypnotherapy online. This is the ideal way to access my services from the comfort of your own home. Click here to read more about online hypnotherapy. Book Now Would you like to learn more about how I can help you deal with loneliness? Or make an appointment for a free, no-obligation appointment? Please do get in touch today. Further Reading on Loneliness How to build self confidence Improve communication skills How to make friends Life coaching online Social anxiety disorder Anxious about forming new relationships
Managing Mood Swings With Hypnotherapy
Managing mood swings for some people maybe difficult. Furthermore, causing symptoms of such as stress, anxiety, depression . Up’s and downs are common for everyone . However, if mood swings are impacting on happiness. Then hypnotherapy can help Exploring the Causes Often mood swings are a symptom of other unresolved problems. Such as resulting from emotional turmoil or distress. Moreover, an inability to process a past traumatic event. Whatever the cause, hypnotherapy can help you in dealing with your mood swings. Coping Strategies Another benefit of hypnotherapy for mood swings is working together to develop coping mechanisms for use in your everyday life. This way you can deal with stressors as they arise. In addition, learning how to focus. As well maintaining a more healthy emotional balance. Regulating Emotions Another benefit to clients is learning how to regulate their emotions. Techniques such as positive self-talk is helpful dealing with down days. The more you practise this the more effective it becomes. Other techniques include small rituals or safe spaces which we condition to trigger a positive or calming response. Anger Management Anger can be a destructive emotion. Though it’s a natural response, when it becomes overwhelming it’s a struggle to control it. Learning to postpone, distract or accept our anger and deal with it in a healthy way is key to anger management. In addition exploring the underlying causes of your anger or finding more positive outlets for frustration. Learning Not To Feed The Monster Acknowledging and accepting negative emotions in ourselves is healthy. However, some people find this easier than others. For example, if you’re feeling down do you tell yourself you’re worthless, wallow in it and feed it with negative thoughts. Or do you take a moment to feel it but then move on and start to build yourself back up? This is a powerful technique of emotionally rounded people and can be taught in therapy. Toleration Sometimes trying to fight or deny our emotions or moods only makes them more powerful. A mindful approach to mood swings helping us to face them and feel them. Furthermore by tolerating the feeling and acknowledge it, but refusing to feed it. Accept what we can and can’t change about the current situation. We tell ourselves that all things pass, and we use the techniques we have learnt to help us move on. Further Help Mood swings can severely hamper everyday life. In addition affecting our work and relationships. Moreover feeling lost and confused by our own emotional responses leading to low confidence and self-worth. In conclusion hypnotherapy will help you can gain control of your life again. As well as enjoying a more balanced emotional response. If you’d like to learn more about how I can help you with mood swings please do get in touch for a free consultation. Further Reading Help For Anger That’s Out Of Control Coping with Grief What Can Make Me Happier? Online Hypnotherapy For Stress The Real Difference Between Low Mood And Depression
Coping with Grief
Are you coping with grief or working through a grieving process? If so hypnotherapy providing a safe way of recovering peace and well-being. Overcoming Grief being a challenging emotional process. Moreover one we all maybe facing at some point in our lives. Symptoms of grief Grief affects us all differently . It impacts on our emotional stability, causing stress and trauma. When grief is prolonged or repressed resulting in anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties As well as anger, guilt and emotional trauma. In addition grief sometimes manifesting itself through physical pain, addictions or sleep problems. Grief is such a personal thing requiring a personal treatment. Fortunately hypnotherapy gets to the root of the problem bringing long-lasting relief. How Hypnotherapy Helps With Grief Processing Many of us just need to talk through what we’ve dealt with and how we feel but don’t want to burden loved ones or friends. We try and protect those close to us so talking to a professional allows us to unburden without this worry. Hypnotherapy allows you to do this whilst also understanding the complex psychological and emotional responses you’ve used to cope and the healthiest way of moving on. Regression It’s not unusual for us to go into auto-pilot when dealing with grief. Many preferring to concentrate on the practicalities. Instead of allowing themselves time to feel. This is a self-protection method. It can work short term, but hiding from our feelings causing both physical and emotional problems in the future. In addition a recent event maybe triggering feelings from our past that we never quite got over. Helping people go back and deal with those feelings and experiences bringing about greater understanding and healing. Emotional Support Grief is complex because difficult situations usually involving more than one emotional response. We may be grieving the loss of a loved one but feeling resentment or anger towards their behaviour, or feeling guilty about how we left things. Or if you’re grieving after a divorce, why are you really so upset? What are you really going to miss or what are you afraid of ? Answering these questions bringing understanding of our grief . As well as finding new happiness. Some of the most common signs of chronic grief issues are: Depression Sleep issues ‘Nothing else matters’ mentality Fear and expecting the worst Hypochondria or overreaction to risk Distrust of people trying to help Nightmares or replaying events over and over Help & Support for Grief If you’re struggling with grief, whatever the cause, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Further Reading How To Be A Happier Person The Real Difference Between Low Mood And Depression Dealing with Divorce and Learning to Thrive How to Deal With Guilt? How to Let Go of Resentment
Help For Anger That’s Out Of Control
Are you looking for help for anger that’s out of control? Read on. Is your anger out of control ? Thereby hurting yourself and others? Do you have difficulties controlling emotions and handling stress? Unfortunately excessive anger leading to relationship problems, depression and alcohol problems. Recognising the onset Although signs of anger are often physical, it’s often our mind reacting beforehand. Moreover, by recognising these symptoms and taking action before your anger explodes. Physical signs including tense muscles, increasing heart rate and sweating or shaking and dizziness. In addition are you feeling other emotions alongside anger? These including difficulty with conflict, defensiveness, communication problems, depression, guilt, resentment or anxiety. These emotions potentially making your anger worse Understanding the triggers Firstly asking yourself? What’s triggering your anger? Perhaps it’s a relationship or being in a certain environment? These triggers often relating to past experiences when you’ve felt unfairly treated or threatened. For example, being verbally abused or harshly dealt with as a child? As a result the slightest confrontation from an authority figure triggering this old anger to rise up. Learning coping techniques Secondly removing yourself from triggers is a short term solution. However putting limits on your everyday life. Perhaps learning techniques such as assertiveness, relaxation techniques and deep breathing. Another effective way is counting to ten and allowing yourself to calm down. Changing your outlook Thirdly by changing our responses we’re able to react differently. Instead of experiencing anger, training ourselves to laugh at difficult situations. Or even seeing the positive side of it. Gaining perspective on set-backs helps relieving anger. Applying reason to our thoughts takes practice. But it can be done. Anger management In conclusion, hypnotherapy provides a proven method for managing anger and gaining control. In addition, helping you in uncovering the underlying causes of your anger. Therefore overcoming your anger issues long term. If you’d like to learn more about how I can help please do get in touch. Further Reading on Anger Managing Anger in Relationships Hypnotherapy for Anger Anger Management – How to Deal with Your Anger
Obsessive Thoughts And Behaviour?
Free Yourself From Shame
Are you looking to free yourself from shame? This emotion being one of the most destructive human emotions. Moreover leading to destructive behaviour including drinking problems or issues like depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Avoiding this path requires letting go of our shame and building confidence and self-worth. Hypnotherapy helps people find relief, build self-worth. And realise they’re much more than their past experiences. Causes of Shame Shame is caused by many things including poor self-esteem, an unrealistic view of the world or yourself and traumatic past experiences. Whilst deep rooted feeling of shame are best treated with professional hypnotherapy, there are some steps you can take to start the process. Forget Perfection Firstly perfection in life is an unrealistic expectation. Other people may appear perfect to us from the outside, but no one really feels that way. Instead, celebrate life’s imperfections. Society and the media are building an increasingly unrealistic view of the world. It’s important to step back, reassess and realign our expectations. This leads to a much happier life. Avoiding Reworking Shame Secondly negative feelings or experiences can be hard to let go of. As we replay them over and over again in our mind, we take ourselves back to the events we’re trying to forget. We experience those feelings of shame over and over and this builds up feelings of low self-esteem and worthlessness. If we can process our shame and let it go, we can continue our lives free from its shadow. Showing Compassion Thirdly we are often more kind and forgiving of others than we are of ourselves. Self-compassion and kindness can take the place of shame. Instead of negative self-talk, visualise positivity and forgiveness. Careful observation of your behaviour and training of the mind can stop negative cycles and limit destructive results. Focus On The Future Fourthly past events can have a strong hold over us and undoubtedly shape the people we become. But they should not control us. Fear and shame can paralyse us, preventing us from taking risks. However change and transformation is possible. Hypnotherapy helps people process their past so they can live in the present and plan for the future. Embracing Acceptance In short part of moving on is accepting your past and who you are. Through acceptance we can step out of a cycle of shame and deal with pain.As well as telling ourselves that our emotions are not in control. And that all things will pass. Seek Positive Support In conclusion surrounding yourself with positivity and opening up to others. Accepting yourself as others would accept you. Furthermore I have helped many clients let go of their shame and I can help you. There’s no need to live your life with feelings of shame holding you back. Contact me to learn more about how I can help you.