6 Ways In Which You’re Your Own Worst Enemy

6 Ways In Which You’re Your Own Worst Enemy

We are all guilty of being our own worst enemy sometimes . This behaviour making us anxious, stressed or depressed. These are often the most common indicators.

You aren’t kind to yourself

Are you treating yourself in the same way that you would treat a good friend? Being kind, treating yourself well and relaxing when you need it. Focusing on what you do well as well as things you want to develop. If a friend criticised you all the time, you would take a step back. It’s the same with your own mind. If you can’t be kind to yourself, who else will?

Not taking the time to appreciate the small things

It’s easy to focus on life’s troubles and your own issues but you need to allow yourself the joy of stopping and appreciating the small things in life. Stop to smell the roses!

As well as allowing yourself time to relax and enjoy life make sure you also appreciate the good things about yourself – no matter how small they might seem.

Criticising yourself too much

It’s natural to self-criticise now and again but when this becomes too harsh or destructive it’s no longer constructive. Soften your self-criticism and reframe your thoughts with a more positive, outlook. Instead of “I’m a failure at work and will never succeed” try, “I know there are things I could improve at work in order to be more successful”.

This approach is more productive and results focused because there’s nowhere to go from “I’m a failure” but if you identify what you need to improve you can then find practical ways to develop.

Over-analysing

If we over-analyse every situation it can be hard to focus on anything positive. We tend to see the worst in things when we look too deeply. It’s good to take things at face value. For example, you get invited to a party by a new friend. You feel a bit strange at first but you take it on face value – she must want to get to know you better.

If we over analyse the mind starts to play tricks on us. Why is she really inviting us? Have we done something to upset her? What is she really thinking? Accept life for what it is. Be positive.

Being unrealistic

When we’re analysing our own qualities or behaviour we tend to be harsher than when we’re looking at others. Are you being overly critical when you think about your own behaviour, qualities or goals?

On the other hand, perhaps you’re setting yourself goals that are too ambitious or unrealistic. It’s good to have dreams but aiming unrealistically high regularly results in failure. Celebrate the effort and journey as well as the end result.

Assuming too much

How many times have you played out conversations in your head or assumed you know what someone else is thinking? Are they really out to get you? Did they not reply to your email because they are angry? Did you really make a bad impression? It’s important to separate assumptions from facts.

Being Your Own Best Friend

It can be simple to change these behaviours and learn how to motivate yourself, boost your confidence and be your own best friend. I help many clients develop more sustainable, positive and effective ways of analysing and supporting themselves.

If you’d like to learn more please do get in touch.

Alix Needham

My techniques guarantee that you remain in control at every session. These techniques, developed over 25 years, are so effective that many issues can be addressed in as little as three sessions and my location in the very heart of London means you can book sessions to work around work.

How to be Happy – Even in Times of Difficulty
The pursuit of happiness is a universal struggle. We all want to be happy, but the question of HOW to be happy is a tricky one, especially when times are hard or we are faced with challenging circumstances. How do we remain happy even when faced with negative stimuli and events? Can we really become masters of our own wellbeing or are we always slaves to our situation? Responding to Negative Events When we’re faced with a negative situation such as an argument, medical diagnoses or trouble at work, it’s easy to fixate and obsess. We replay the moment in our heads over and over again. Why has this happened to us? Could we have done anything differently? ‘What if’ questions spiral out of control and we overly catastrophise the situation. But, is there another way? Can having a more positive reaction to negative events genuinely alter our emotional wellbeing and response to challenging times? A new study published in the Journal of Neuroscience believes so. How Our Response Shapes Our Future Happiness The study showed that those people who were able to let go of negative stimuli sooner were more likely to experience more happiness and positivity in their daily lives. Letting go of the triggering event seemed to be the key to moving on and finding future happiness. We are unable to control everything that happens to us so fixating on these things tends to make us feel helpless and victimised. But, we can control how we react and how we deal with the situation moving forward. This is where we can regain control. People who are able to move on more quickly will find increased happiness over time. How to Stop Obsessing Stopping obsessing or fixating is not the same as denial. We still need to process our feelings and emotions, especially in response to very challenging or difficult events. But, the quicker we can do this the better. Often, when we obsess we aren’t actually processing, we aren’t moving forward. We are replaying the event with emotions almost as raw as the first time. We are reliving the moment and all the hurt and negativity, without increasing understanding or acceptance. If we can find a way to process and move on, the intensity naturally fades. Moving On Towards Happiness Processing negative events and accepting them isn’t easy. But, it really is the key to your future happiness and gives you back the power in the situation. Some effective ways to encourage the process are: Give yourself space to experience the emotions – allow yourself to really sit and fully experience all your emotions. Whatever they are they are valid and need to be allowed their space. Uncover hidden feelings – replaying the event often leads us to become stuck in a surface reaction. Are there hidden feelings or emotions that you need to allow to the surface? Release blocks and find a new outlook – are there fears or other blocks holding you back? Can you shift your perspective to find a new outlook which allows more progress? Research and plan – take back control. Inform yourself and plan for your future. Find a support network – who can help you? People experiencing something similar or loved ones perhaps? Or is it time to seek help from a professional? Practice gratitude – once you feel able, concentrating on positivity and what you are grateful for can be very liberating. How Can Hypnotherapy Help? Hypnotherapy is probably the most powerful tool to help people change their state of mind and to process difficult situations and emotions. It allows you to fully access your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs about what has happened. It helps you release any blocks and fully process what’s going on for you. This is an essential part of moving on. An outside perspective can be so helpful in this process. Next, hypnotherapy can help you work through the event and focus on the future. Change your mindset and switch from negativity to positivity, from inaction to action and from helplessness to power. The relief and sense of wellbeing you will experience after this shift will be remarkable. Hypnotherapy really is that powerful. Hypnotherapy for Happiness If you’d like to learn more about how to be happy and how hypnotherapy can help with this, then please do get in touch. Most of my clients only need three sessions for full benefits and I am happy to offer a free, no-obligation consultation initially to discuss your needs. My advanced hypnotherapy can be done in my London hypnotherapy clinic or through online hypnotherapy sessions at a time and place to suit you. Book Now Further Reading on Happiness and Wellbeing How to Stop Overthinking What Can Make Me Happier? How to Be a Happier Person Happiness Through Hypnotherapy – Video How to Become an Optimist
Do You Worry Too Much What Others Think?
One of the most common things I get asked for help with is worrying too much what other people think. Why Do We Worry What Other People Think? Worrying about what others think does serve some purpose. We worry that being judged negatively by others may affect our relationships. Whether platonic, professional or intimate, relationships are very important to most people’s success and happiness. There’s also a fear that experiencing a shameful or embarrassing situation will affect our status in society. Our natural instinct is to want to be liked by as many people as possible. In the past, humans probably would have been exposed to a much smaller circle of people. Within a smaller community, people likely shared more similar beliefs and behaviours. In fact, being accepted by the group could have been directly linked to a person’s chances of survival. In the modern world, our spheres are much wider, especially with the availability of online platforms. We are exposed to a huge amount of different people with differing opinions. Plus, social media has definitely led to many people feeling comfortable about making quick, snap judgements about others. As a result, the fear of being judged is becoming more and more common amongst my clients. Why Do We Overthink? Studies show that we consistently overestimate how much other people are thinking of us and how bad these thoughts are. It’s very common for us to catastrophise or tend towards worse-case scenario thinking. This is especially true in people who have low-self worth, people pleasing behaviour or who constantly seek approval from others. The large number of people who come seeking help with this issue shows that we realise that worrying too much about what people think is detrimental to our own happiness. How Does Fear of Judgement Affect Us? When we are too worried about what other people think or we fear being judged, it influences our own behaviour to a point where we are unable to be ourselves. We feel uncomfortable and unsure about our own actions which leads us to inaction or behaving in a way that doesn’t feel authentic. We find ourselves more inhibited, less spontaneous and missing out on some of the joys of life. How Can We Stop Worrying? There are things we can do to change our mindset and stop worrying so much about what others think. Check People Pleasing Behaviour – take a look at your behaviour. Do you find yourself changing your behaviour to please others? Do you struggle to say no, even when you want to? Work On Your Self Confidence – sometimes we are more worried about what other people think because we are unsure of ourselves. The more confidence you have in yourself, the less you’ll care what others think. Live In The Moment – when you focus on the moment and your experience of it, you’ll find you have less time to worry about the potential thoughts of other people. Think Positively – when you focus on the positives in life and feel more positive in yourself, you’ll be less likely to assume negativity in others. Work On Your Decision Making – if you feel comfortable in your own decisions, you will find you care less about others’ judgement. Be Authentic – if you know you’re being authentically yourself, you will feel much more sure of yourself and require less approval. Release Control – you can’t control what others think and feel, so it’s best not to worry about it. Focus on the things you can control – your own behaviour and mindset. Consider Why You Really Care So Much – sometimes there’s a subconscious driver that’s causing someone to excessively worry about their image. Uncovering this can potentially help you let it go. Work On Past Issues – it’s not unusual for people who are especially sensitive to criticism from others to have been subjected to excessive criticism in the past. Working through these feelings can free you from excessive worry. Further Help It’s likely that you agree that life is short and that time spent worrying about what other people think is time wasted. But, these things are deep rooted beliefs and behaviours both in society and within our own subconscious. If it was easy to change, it wouldn’t be such a common concern. So how can we change it? Hypnotherapy is an extremely effective way to change thoughts and behaviours that are ingrained. In just a few sessions, you can uncover the cause of your beliefs, gain new perspective on your behaviour and make real, lasting changes to your outlook. If you’d like to learn more or book a free, no-obligation consultation, please do get in touch. Book Now! Further Reading Stop Overthinking Free Yourself From Shame How to Overcome Embarrassment Is Approval Seeking Behaviour Holding You Back? Build Self Confidence How to Stop Being a Worrier Fear of Authority Figures
How To Overcome Boredom In Your Life
Are you looking for ways to overcome chronic boredom in your life? If so it’s tempting to think that boredom is caused solely by your environment. However, it’s a state of mind that can be overcome. In addition children rarely becoming bored .They have lots of creative ways to keep their own minds active. Boredom can be a symptom of depression, low self-esteem and motivation issues. Next time you are feeling bored try one of the following techniques. Overcome Boredom with Creativity Firstly reading a book, writing a story or painting a picture. A new creative outlet or hobby is a sure-fire way to avoid boredom. In addition, it provides an outlet for frustrations. Adult colouring books are very popular at the moment, fostering creativity, focus and relaxation. Or take up arts and crafts and make gifts for your friends, or even to sell. Being Productive We often put off chores or home improvements. But when you’re bored it’s definitely worth thinking of jobs you could do. Especially improving your skills or living space. Maybe there’s a course you’ve always wanted to take? Is there something you’ve wanted to try or learn, like a new language, a musical instrument or a DIY project. There’s lots of free resources available nowadays online to explore. Boredom is the perfect trigger for self-improvement. Exercise when Bored Boredom can lead to feelings of fatigue and listlessness. Exercise leaves you feeling more motivated and invigorated. Spending time in nature can be a great refresher. It also relieves insomnia, so try taking a walk, visiting somewhere new or starting a garden. Making Plans Sometimes we can’t face doing anything too strenuous. However, we can still make plans for when we’re feeling more active. Think about your hopes and aspirations. Make plans for the future. What would you like to achieve? Where would you like to visit? What’s making you bored? What can you to do get yourself re-inspired? If you need help with these types of questions, a coaching session will help you unlock new ideas and find your passion. Relieve Boredom with Friends Loneliness can breed boredom, especially for people who are naturally social. Try spending more time with family of friends or seeking out groups, classes or meet-ups online. You could even try a new job or volunteer at a local charity. Next Steps to Overcome Boredom In conclusion, whilst it can be tempting to spend hours online when you’re bored try limiting this type of activity. Engage more with the useful resources online. Avoid too much social media as this can be counterproductive in fighting boredom. It offers no lasting distraction. And often just makes you feel like no one else in the world shares your frustrations, which isn’t the case. If you’re experiencing chronic boredom and can’t get motivated, it might be worth exploring the reasons behind this. If you often feel empty, foggy or lonely, this could signal a larger issue. For hypnotherapy or coaching sessions to help with boredom or depression please do get in touch for a no obligation, free initial consultation. Further Reading on Boredom and Happiness Improve Motivation to Exercise Lacking that Creative Spark? How to Make Friends What Can Make Me Happier? How to Deal with Loneliness
What Can Make Me Happier?
Further Reading How to stop negative self talk Is your life lacking purpose? Negative mindset turned positive! Online Life Coaching Online Hypnotherapy Do You Worry Too Much What Others Think?
How To Stop Overthinking
Here’s how to stop overthinking and relax…. Overthinking is a negative way of dealing with stressful situations by replaying situations in your head. Furthermore, being stuck in this pattern which is causing you stress, anxiety and depression. Need help? Read more and learn how to break free and lead a more contented life. Here’s how to stop thinking too much…. Recognise When You’re Overthinking These are the danger signs : Others telling you that you’re overthinking things Replaying conversations over in your head Thinking about other’s actions or motivations Your thoughts offering no real progress Feeling unable to react in the moment Punishing yourself about your natural responses Understanding Damaging Thoughts Firstly, whatever your situation, without another person’s perspective, you can easily develop the following patterns. All or nothing thinking – seeing a situation as absolute Over generalisation – blowing things out of proportion Filtering – only seeing the positive or negative Jumping to conclusions – assuming things instead of clarifying Magnifying and minimising – making things bigger/ smaller than reality False reasoning – believing you’ve reached the only true conclusion Should statements – punishing yourself – “I should have known” What Triggers Overthinking? Secondly, what’s triggering your damaging thoughts? Maybe it’s stress, anxiety or social embarrassment? Perhaps low confidence. Or troubling relationships. Challenging Your Thoughts Thirdly, instead of thinking the worst will happen, imagen some positive outcomes. In addition, seeking professional help is the best way of finding new ways of coping. How to Stop Overthinking Relationships Many of us have a tendency to overthink relationships. Whether you’re struggling to start a new relationship, struggling to decide whether to end your current relationship or finding that you fear commitment, overthinking relationships could be the problem. Hypnotherapy for Overthinking In conclusion, hypnotherapy will help you stop the damaging cycle for good. Start now by reaching out for information on how to stop overthinking. You could even try my new online hypnotherapy. Please get in touch. Further Reading How to relax – stop thinking and switch off Stop worrying and start living How to make a difficult decision Generalised anxiety disorder
How To Stop Being A Worrier
How to stop being a worrier? Worry is a common term for mild anxiety, stress or fear, usually of a negative nature. A little worry is normal and healthy but when worry strays into obtrusive thoughts, becomes a burden or affects your everyday life to an unhealthy extent, worry has become a problem. Some people are much more prone to worry and may need some help to change their behaviour. We can retrain the mind to have a different outlook on life and deal with anxiety and stress in a healthier way. Pre-empt Worrying Situations We all worry about different things. Some people find that the way they live their lives can lead to worry because of its chaotic or disorganised nature. If this sounds like you, reassessing your life and becoming more organised is a good step towards eliminating worrying situations. You might try some of the following: Track expenditure, budget carefully and plan your finances Organise time carefully, decide on priorities and eliminate unnecessary activities Learn to say no to requests that you can’t really accommodate Ask for help or delegate some tasks Organise your living and work space Keep a schedule and prepare for activities in advance where possible Life coaching can help you take a look at practical sources of stress or worry, rework your daily activity and gain more control. Take Charge Some people worry about things that are outside of their control. Worry can become almost addictive, making us feel better momentarily because we mistakenly believe that the effort we are expending will contribute towards a positive outcome. The key is taking charge of your own decisions and mind. Choose where you should invest time and effort and where effort is wasted. Many people find meditation helpful as it helps them learn to focus on the present moment, calm their mind and relax. Some people find it helps to set aside a designated space and time for worry to get it out of their system, and then to consciously move on and try and keep it out of their everyday life as much as possible. Rational Reasoning Counter worries with rational thought. Is there anything you can do about this worry? Are there practical steps you could take – more preparation or seeking help for example. Or are you worrying about things that are outside of your control? If so, the worry is serving no real purpose and you would be better off taking a more rational approach. You can learn this skill with help from a professional. The ability to rationally address worrying situations and control your own mind is extremely valuable. Further Help Worrying can be extremely tiring on both the mind and body. It can affect us both emotionally and physically as it puts great strain on our wellbeing, health and relationships. If you’d like to learn more about how I can help you reduce your worry using coaching or advanced hypnotherapy techniques, then please do get in touch. Further Reading Generalised Anxiety Disorder Treatment Do you just worry too much or is it an anxiety disorder? Stop Worrying and Start Living How to Reduce Anxiety with Online Hypnotherapy Online Hypnotherapy How to Reduce Anxiety with Online Hypnotherapy
How To Be A Happier Person
How To Become An Optimist
Do you want to become an optimist? An optimistic personality is thought to have a wide-ranging positive effect on wellbeing. In fact, research showing that optimists are less likely to suffer from stress, anxiety or depression. But are we born with this positivity? Or can we develop it? Next? What steps can you take for becoming an optimists? Be Mindful It’s easy for repeated responses to become conditioned. This including negativity. Our the go-to reaction to any kind of set-back being a negative one . Moreover often forgetting to question this response or the reasons behind it. In short mindfulness involves developing an awareness of your emotions. As well as your physical and behavioural responses. Listening To Your Inner Voice Becoming self aware helping us being more aware of our inner voice. It’s the voice speaking to us and commenting on our world and behaviour. Moreover noticing what this voice is saying. Is it generally negative or positive? Does it regularly do any of the following? Magnifying the negative aspects of situations Blaming you for things outside your control Anticipating the worst outcome of situations Seeing things as black and white Making broad statements such as “you always do this” or “this always happens” Personalising negative situations – “it would happen to me” In becoming an optimist, changing our inner voice is key .Thus removing unhelpful or negative thoughts. Whilst replacing them with more balanced, positive ones. Be Realistic True optimism is different from blind optimism. It’s not naivety or overconfidence, but a general positive outlook on life. You don’t have to force yourself to be happy, simply question your negativity. Of course there are times when you’re going to feel unhappy or think you’ve been treated unfairly. However your optimism will be improved by concentrating on what you can do for overcoming obstacles rather than what you can’t . Positive Affirmations Changing the way you think is easier said than done . Hypnotherapy helping you cement these changes. As well as making long-lasting adjustments to your thinking process. Positive daily affirmations such as the below being helpful in doing this. Anything is possible My outlook and attitude is under my control There is always a choice What’s Next? These tips can be a start to becoming an optimist. In addition, there are many other ways of developing this positive trait. Positive outcomes including improved relationships, success at work and better health. As well as lowering levels of depressions, improving your immune system and reducing your risk of some illnesses. If you’d like further help and advice about becoming an optimist please do get in touch. Further Reading How to Improve Positive Thinking: Video How to stop negative self talk Negative mindset turned positive! Online Hypnotherapy
Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
Comparing yourself to others has become a huge problem in todays society. Social media and magazines, plus our preoccupation with perfection and accomplishment, mean it’s never been easier to compare yourself to others , As a result feeling you’re lacking in some way. Doing this too much can dent our confidence, shake motivation and make us feel like failures. If you want to stop comparing yourself to others, try these steps. Separate Reality From Idealism Are you envying other people focussing on the positive aspects of their lives – usually the part they choose to share. It’s important to understand that this creates a skewed view of them and their situation. Imagine what the rest of their life might be like. It’s rare that we ever really know the full story. Replacing Negative With Positive When comparing yourself to others it’s easy to turn their positives into your negatives. “They are so clever, why am I so stupid?” but this forms an unhealthy bond with the person you’re envying and damages your own self-esteem. Instead, try and appreciate people in a positive and constructive way. “They are very good at maths but I am very good at English”. We’re not all the same and we all excel in different ways. If you compare yourself to someone else and feel you’re lacking in a certain area, think positively about what you could do to build upon it – work on an aspect of your personality, learn a new skill or take on a new challenge. Setting Realistic Goals Instead of comparing yourself to other people focus on who you are, who you want to be and how you can achieve things for yourself. It’s much healthier to compete against yourself and set your own standards and goals. Their circumstances could be completely different to yours – we are all presented with different challenges, opportunities and paths and it’s how we use what we have that matters. Know Who You Are The people who compare themselves to others most often are usually people who feel a bit lost in life. If you feel you lack confidence or have low self-worth, or perhaps you’re not sure what really makes you happy or what you want to achieve, it’s common to seek answers elsewhere. First, work on understanding your own self and desires. Life Coaching & Hypnotherapy Life coaching helps people find focus in their lives, set goals and make real progress. I help many clients using coaching skills and you can replicate a few on yourself. Ask yourself why you feel envious of another person, what aspect of their life do you feel is missing from yours? Is there anything practical you can do to work on that? Hypnotherapy is useful for people who have low self-esteem, lack in confidence or are constantly comparing themselves to others. We can explore when this behaviour started and why it developed, as well as working on rewiring the mind to appreciate yourself more and view others more realistically. If you’d like more help with any of the issues in this article please do get in touch.
How To Be Your Own Best Friend
How to be your own best friend ? Unfortunately we’re often are own worst enemy. The longest relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. Being a good friend to yourself can be a huge source of comfort. Particularly at times of loneliness and instability. Moreover, developing a trusted relationship with yourself will improve confidence, staying with you long term. Steps to becoming your own best friend. Getting to know yourself Just as you would with another person, spend some time laying the ground-work for this relationship. It may sound strange, but many of us don’t really understand ourselves . Ask yourself? What are your values? Your drivers ? you? As well as your weaknesses? Asking yourself these questions and giving yourself honest answers, leading to greater knowledge and acceptance By knowing and accept yourself, you’re becoming a better friend and advisor. If you’re finding it difficult to answer some of these questions a Life Coaching session might help. Enjoying your own company Do you only ever spend time alone when you’re forced to ? Or do you actively choose your own company? Solitary hobbies such as painting, reading, yoga, meditation are all great things to do alone. Being happy in our own company is healthy . Furthermore, if we’re not happy alone it’s often because of low self-esteem. Or other issues we maybe avoiding. Challenging yourself A good friend will open up new doors and opportunities to us. Perhaps suggesting a new travel location or activity for us to try. To be your own best friend you need to challenge yourself to try new things and step out of your comfort zone. In short reassuring and supporting yourself in achieving these goals. Being kind to yourself A good friend accepts you for who you are and is kind and supportive. Is your internal talk negative ? Are you relying on friends for providing positive feedback? If so making a conscious effort to be aware of your own self talk. And treating yourself as kindly as you’d treat someone else. Complimenting yourself regularly, Perhaps giving yourself with a reward each day. Honesty Sometimes friends have to be cruel to be kind. In this way telling you when you’re out of line. How to do this for yourself ? Importantly by taking a step back. In so doing cultivating good self-awareness. As well as viewing things from a neutral perspective. Plus recognising how your own judgements. Moreover, accepting your own faults and working on them. Also laughing at yourself when things get tough and being your own source of light hearted relief. Next Steps In conclusion, would you like to learn more about valuing yourself? My life coaching and hypnotherapy sessions can help you become a better friend to yourself. Please do contact me for a free consultation.

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Alix Needham

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