Destructive relationships can be extremely hard to end. The very nature of them makes people feel insecure, trapped and helpless. You need to muster all your courage and plan carefully in order to end a relationship like this.
Warning Signs of a Destructive Relationship
- Controlling or manipulative behaviour
- Anxiety or depression
- Constant fighting
- Avoidance of the other person
- Jealousy, insecurity and lack of trust
If you recognise a lot of these in your relationship it may be that you are in a destructive or unhealthy relationship. If you both want to try and maintain the relationship, couples counselling or relationship coaching can help you work out your issues. If things have progressed beyond this stage, it could be time to end the relationship. Trust your gut and make the decision that’s right for you.
Once you know you’re in a destructive relationship and have made up your mind to leave you need to focus and plan carefully.
Think of all the reasons you want to leave – these could include increased freedom, improved confidence, enjoying friends and family, less anxiety.
Plan what you’ll say – keep it short and don’t feel like you have to list all the reasons. Try to keep calm and matter of fact. Be prepared and be firm in your delivery. Stay aware of manipulation.
Plan how you’ll say it – choose your time carefully. Don’t choose a time when either of you have been drinking or in the middle of a very stressful event. Keep your distance and don’t give in to controlling contact. If things are really bad it might be that you prefer to leave a note rather than face the person directly.
Consider practicalities – if you live together or have a lot of things at their house consider how you’ll get your belongings and where you’ll stay. Have something in place beforehand so you aren’t stranded. Pack your belongings first if possible or, if you have to go back and get them afterwards, consider taking some friends to help. Don’t tell the other person where you’re going, it’s important you are able to be alone.
Mourn – even when you know it’s the right thing to do, break-ups can still be tough. End the relationship in your mind before you end it with the other person. Then allow yourself time to mourn but reassure yourself that you’ve made the right choice for you.
Avoid contact – once you’re free avoid contact with the other person. Give yourself time to adjust and don’t be tempted to go back.
Seek comfort – get support from trusted friends and family. Stay busy and remember what used to make you happy – work, hobbies etc.
Stand back – after a while when you look at how far you’ve come you’ll realise how much happier you are. Be proud of yourself for making this move and make a promise to yourself to try and avoid this type of relationship in the future. You may want to get some support if you feel yourself repeatedly attracted to destructive relationships. Hypnotherapy is a very effective tool for tackling subconscious issues such as this.
Relationship Coaching and Hypnotherapy
Contact me to learn more about how I can help or to arrange a free consultation.