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How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone You Can’t Have

How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone You Can’t Have

Any obsession can be all-consuming, anxiety and depression producing or disruptive to everyday life and relationships. Some obsessive thoughts stem from conditions like OCD and some come from unfulfilled desires or a strong attachment to something or someone. This can be damaging or distressing when the feelings are directed at someone we cannot have, or they start to interfere with our own life and happiness.

There are ways in which you can start to overcome these obsessions.

Get some distance

Putting some physical distance between you and the object of your obsession will make it easier to achieve a healthy mental separation. This can be hard at first but proximity will only fuel this unhealthy relationship. As time goes by you will find it easier and easier.

Stop feeding the obsession

An obsession needs to be fed to remain strong. Thinking about the person or seeing them may give you a little burst of pleasure as it temporarily feeds the desire. However, you’re only fuelling something which is damaging to your own life. Try to stop thinking about them, talking about them and seeing them whenever possible.

If they pop into your head, which they inevitably will, acknowledge the thought and gently tell yourself you’ve decided not to indulge this right now, and distract yourself with other things until the thoughts pass.


In the midst of a strong obsession you might find that you let all other aspects of your life go unattended. Friends, family, relationships, hobbies and work might all benefit from a bit of extra attention so use these as distractions and try and find happiness in other areas of your life.

Many people find that a new job, moving house or going travelling is a helpful new start and aids them in moving on from harmful obsessions.

Live in the moment

Meditation is an extremely helpful practice for people who struggle with obsessions, as it teaches them to live in the moment, engage their senses and enjoy the world around them rather than in their head.

It also helps people learn to deal with unwanted thoughts – acknowledging their presence but gently moving them aside and refusing to feed them. This is useful because the chances are if you tell yourself not to think about something at all, it’s likely that’s all you will think about – just like chocolate when on a diet!

New habits

Encourage yourself to change up your routine and give your mind something new to focus on. Whether it’s a new hobby, new look, new people or new places, it signals to your brain that this is a time of change and encourages looking to the future rather than the past.

Obsess over yourself

When we put all our energy into thinking about someone else we tend not to have any energy left for ourselves. Try instead, becoming obsessed with yourself for a bit. Build your self-esteem, try new looks, focus on what you love, try new passions and do all you can to make yourself happy outside of the obsession. Don’t let your happiness depend on someone who doesn’t love you back. Learn to love yourself instead.

Seek Help

I help many clients deal with obsessive thoughts and behaviours. When you’re obsessed with a person you can’t have, it can be extremely upsetting and damaging to your life.

Hypnotherapy can weaken the unhealthy thought and reward behaviours which have developed. We can work together to remove the triggers so you can enjoy life feeling free and happy. I can help you explore the reasons for the obsession and create an action plan to help you move on.

Whatever your individual circumstances, hypnotherapy is proven to be fast acting and effective with this type of problem. I help my clients understand their feelings and gain new perspective on a person or past relationship. Together we replace negative associations with positive and anxiety with calm.

If you’d like the chance to regain control of your thoughts and take charge of your life again, please do get in touch.

Alix Needham

My techniques guarantee that you remain in control at every session. These techniques, developed over 25 years, are so effective that many issues can be addressed in as little as three sessions and my location in the very heart of London means you can book sessions to work around work.

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