Abandonment issues is a term used to describe a fear or anxiety surrounding rejection or…
Recovering from a relationship breakup can be difficult. It’s a painful journey that many people go through at some point during their lives. For this reason, many of my clients ask me how to get over a breakup.
Steps to Moving On
Whatever caused the relationship to end, the fact is that life goes on. Although you may feel hurt and upset, the sooner you regain control of your life the better you will feel.
For some this is easier said than done. Through years of experience helping people recover from divorce and separation, I have come up with some tips to help you move forward and regain faith in yourself.
Taking Care of Yourself
You will begin to feel better emotionally by feeling better physically. So move your focus away from your loss and start taking care of you. Try keeping to a healthy routine that includes plenty of physical exercise, regular well-balanced meals and good sleep practices. Even though you might feel tempted to drown your sorrows or bury them with junk food, the hangovers, dehydration and sugar crashes will only make you feel worse. Read a new book, have fun days out with friends or lose yourself in a hobby. Are all great ways to take care of yourself and start feeling better.
Processing Your Emotions
Denying your emotions and how you feel may be a quick fix, but the relief is only temporary. Eventually these feelings will surface. Help yourself to process your hurt by writing down how you feel, or talking to someone you trust. In doing so, you will distance yourself from the raw feelings. Accept and acknowledge these painful emotions and remind yourself that they won’t last forever, and they do not define who you are.
Challenging Negative Thinking
We all feel negative from time to time, but dealing with the loss of a relationship can make this much worse. To prevent yourself getting dragged down by your negative thoughts, be aware when one comes to mind. You don’t need to berate yourself for the thought, or argue with it, just gently accept it and it will disappear. You can even transform negative thoughts into helpful affirmations. Take your worst, most persistent negative thought and write it down. Now switch it around to create a positive affirmation. You may be thinking ‘I will never find another partner’. Change this to ‘the right relationship is on its way to me’.
Minding the Gap
Your relationship probably took up a great deal of your time, time that you now have to spare. Instead of sitting alone, make the most of this opportunity to change your life. Join classes, or try new activities that you previously didn’t have time for. You could also turn your attention to your future and begin planning goals for the next chapter of your life.
Avoiding the Blame Game
You may be blaming yourself, or criticising your ex-partner for what has happened. Neither of these approaches are helpful, and both will make you feel worse. Acknowledge the part you both played in the breakup. Take responsibility for your mistakes and learn from them. The self awareness you gain will help you in future relationships.
Consider Seeking Help After a Breakup
If you are having difficulty recovering from a breakup consider seeking professional help. With the guidance and support of a trained divorce counselling professional you can move out of the pain of your break up and into the excitement and joy of your new life. No matter the length or type of the relationship, I can help.
Download my tips on how to help when going through a relationship breakdown here.
Get Over a Breakup with Counselling
If you’d like to learn more about how I can help you please do get in touch.
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Break ups are hard and there’s no shame in needing help to move on. Don’t waste time struggling when you could start the next chapter of your life today.