Is Approval Seeking Behaviour Holding You Back ?

Is Approval Seeking Behaviour Holding You Back?

Are you guilty of wanting approval from others ? As well changing your behaviour so as to avoid criticism? Instead of doing what’s best for you.

Are you worrying too much about whether you’re liked or not ? If so this places your happiness in the hands of others

Moreover not getting that approval causing stress, anxiety and a knock in your confidence.

Are you giving away your power? Perhaps building barriers in order to feel worthy. People pleasing behaviour often has exactly the opposite effect. Moreover people viewing you as weak or a doormat.

Is your approval seeking behaviour a problem?

Firstly, If your approval addiction becoming a form of stress or anxiety. If so it’s likely that you’ll be aiming low. Moreover, making small efforts to gain approval and avoiding riskier ventures. Furthermore, spreading your efforts thinly. Thus stopping you from focusing on what really matters.

Alternatively, are you over achieving in one area of life? Perhaps you spending too much time on a hobby. Or putting all your energy into your career. If this is what you truly want, it might not be a bad thing. However, if you’re doing more than you can handle, or neglecting others areas of your life, you may need to switch your focus.

Other examples of ‘approval addiction’

Not knowing what’s really important to you
Hesitating to speak up or over apologising for your views
Avoiding conflict.
People pleasing or submissive behaviour
Spending too much time on tasks that don’t matter to you
Being afraid to say No to requests from others
Seeking compliments
Overacting to insults
Caring too much about what others think of you
Shifting your values to appease others
Gossiping for attention and approval
Paying insincere compliments to others
Expressing agreement when you don’t truly feel it
Afraid to complain even when valid
Asking permission for things that don’t require it

Letting Go

What happens if these approval seeking tendencies aren’t addressed? Are you spending your entire life wasting your potential? And in addition placing effort on things that just aren’t really important. The good news is that changing these thought patterns is possible. The result being that you start placing more importance on your own wellbeing and values.

If you’d like more information or help with approval seeking behaviour please do get in touch.

Alix Needham

My techniques guarantee that you remain in control at every session. These techniques, developed over 25 years, are so effective that many issues can be addressed in as little as three sessions and my location in the very heart of London means you can book sessions to work around work.

How to Overcome Perfectionism
What’s Your Biggest Weakness? It’s the classic answer to that difficult interview question…’what’s your biggest weakness?’. Many people answer this way because they secretly see perfectionism as a strength, or at least as a less severe weakness. However, the truth is that a real obsession with perfectionism can be crippling. It makes us feel like failures, sucks the joy from our lives and accomplishments and causes us to undermine our own potential. What is Perfectionism? Perfectionism is the need to ensure that in almost every facet of a person’s life, everything is perfect. Perfectionists strive to always get things right, however, as is well documented, this can have a detrimental affect on a person, and can stop them from getting started on new things, if they feel they are not up to the task. What’s the Problem with Perfectionism? When perfectionists make what they see as mistakes, this can lead to frustration, shame, guilt and procrastination. Research shows that perfectionistic tendencies have been linked to a huge list of clinical issues: depression, anxiety, social anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, insomnia, hoarding and even early mortality and suicide. A perfectionist tends to wholly focus on the negatives, be overly self critical, potentially risk adverse and unable to forgive themselves for ‘failure’. Even when the task was near-impossible in the first place. The feeling of never quite having completed a task to their satisfaction can leave a person with an overwhelming sense of disappointment as well as other negative emotions. Media and the Desire to be Perfect Perfectionism is on the rise. These tendencies are spotted in people of all ages – children, adolescents and adults. Modern media, beauty standards and ‘Instagram’ culture can fuel this drive in people. It’s so easy to take the perfection we see in the media as a standard for ourselves but these snapshots are not real and are unachievable. Why Mistakes are Important Mistakes are how we learn and grow. The most successful people are not those who don’t make any mistakes. In fact, successful people don’t tend to be risk adverse. They take risks and if things don’t work out exactly as planned, they learn from this experience. These life experiences are key to growth. What Causes Perfectionism? The question is why does an individual feel the need to ensure that the task that they are undertaking is done perfectly? For many people simply achieving the task itself is enough, however, for those who have an issue with perfectionism, that is simply not enough. There are normally underlying reasons in the psyche of the individual that fuels the desire for the perfect outcome. These can be related to deep-rooted issues from childhood or painful criticism that may have occurred in the past. Whatever the reason, the fact remains that perfectionism is an unhealthy frame of mind, and in reality needs to be addressed, otherwise the person will live a life of almost perpetual unhappiness as they struggle to constantly achieve perfection Hypnotherapy for Perfectionism Hypnotherapy is often used successfully for this kind of problem. The reason it works so well is that it enables a trained therapist to delve into the psychological make up of the person to find the root cause. Once this is determined, then a suitable course of action to remedy the issue can then be arranged. Determining the cause requires skilled questioning and reviews of answers to ascertain the problem, and is best carried out by an advanced hypnotherapist. Positive Perfectionism Can perfectionism ever be a good thing? Of course it can! When perfectionism is ‘healthy’ it isn’t the overriding driver. People with a healthy dose of perfectionism tend to have high standards, discipline and good motivation. However, they can also be positive, take risks and view the world with a balanced eye. Hypnotherapy can help you turn your problem perfectionism into a more beneficial attribute. Your Next Steps If you feel like you have an unhealthy perfectionist drive then please do get in touch. I can help you find a new outlook and feel free of these controlling and negative feelings. Why not get in touch for a free, no-obligation consultation to discuss your situation? I can offer sessions in my London hypnotherapy clinic or via online hypnotherapy – the choice is yours. BOOK NOW Further Reading Self Sabotage : Why We Do It & How To Stop Why do I Keep Making The Same Mistakes? Is Approval Seeking Behaviour Holding You Back? How to stop negative self talk Working From Home: Knowing When to Stop Are you a workaholic or do you just work hard? .
Improving Your Relationship With Money
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Self Sabotage : Why We Do It & How To Stop
Are you your own worst enemy? Do you repeat the same patterns of behaviour over and over again which prevent you from achieving your goals? Do you set off well but let fear and doubt creep in to derail your progress? These self-sabotage cycles are common in many of us and prevent us from reaching our true potential. What is Self-Sabotage? Self-sabotage is any behaviour, thought or emotion that prevents you achieving your goals. It manifests itself in conflict between our conscious desires and our unconscious fears or beliefs. It is our mind’s way of protecting us against disappointment by not letting us stray from our comfort zone. Sometimes self-sabotaging behaviour is obvious but hard for us to stop without help – think about comfort eating, self-harm and addiction. Other times it’s more subtle and may take the form of procrastination, limiting beliefs or risk aversion. Why We Do It As well as being a coping strategy, self-sabotage is also linked to low self-worth, esteem or confidence. It can also be caused by an inability to manage our emotions and fears. Self Sabotage in Relationships Self sabotage in relationships is quite a common behaviour pattern. It can take many forms. Generally, a previously happy relationship takes a sudden turn due to one person’s change in behaviour. When met with a situation which makes them feel vulnerable, panicky or threatened, they start to pull away or act out. This could be jealousy from a previous betrayal, or perhaps things start to become more serious and a person’s insecurities kick in. Self sabotage in these cases can take the form of cheating, lying and recklessness or something more subtle such as just becoming distant or reducing communication (behaviours often seen in emotionally unavailable people). Often, self sabotaging behaviour in relationships stems from a history or unsecure attachments or an unconscious fear of rejection or vulnerability. By releasing these blocks you can stop this behaviour and enjoy successful relationships again. Self Sabotage at Work Have you ever been on the cusp of something big at work? Perhaps a new role, a challenging new client or a big deal. But then, you suddenly miss deadlines, falter with indecision or fail to call people back? You might tell yourself it just wasn’t meant to be, but could it have been self sabotage? Many of us struggle to deal with success. We aren’t sure how to relate to our new role or we subconsciously have a fear of failure or experience imposter syndrome. Overcome Self-Sabotage There are a few things you can do to overcome self-sabotage: Figure out what you really want and whether it’s attainable – are you thinking too big or too small? Set realistic but ambitious goals. Ask what’s driving the behaviour. Look at the evidence and try and discover what triggers your voice of doubt. Don’t measure your success by other people. Accept that life doesn’t always go smoothly but that each person’s approach is valid. Realise that perfection doesn’t exist. Deal with setbacks calmly and logically and learn from your mistakes. Ask more useful questions of yourself. Treat change and failure as an experiment and learning experience. Get support from others and look at yourself through their eyes. Replace negative behaviour with positive. Practice positive thoughts. Coaching and Hypnotherapy Treatment Although the above tips are useful it’s likely that to fully eliminate self-sabotage you will need some help. A life coaching relationship gives you a structured way to plan, take action and achieve your goals. Another person’s rational perspective protects you from being overly influenced by limiting beliefs, helps you learn from your mistakes and provides a rational outlook on your situation. If your self-sabotage takes the form of destructive physical behaviour or stems from low self-esteem, anxiety or confidence my advanced hypnotherapy treatments can address these issues and provide freedom from these behaviours. For more information on how I can help you with self-sabotage please get in touch. I can offer face to face sessions from my London hypnotherapy clinic, or online hypnotherapy sessions. Further Reading Generalised Anxiety Disorder Treatment How to Build Self Confidence FAQ – Your Hypnotherapy Session Mistakes that make you unpopular at work What Helps with Identity Insecurity
Online Life Coaching
Try an Online Life Coach What better way to spend this time than getting your life organised and working on yourself? Online life coaching is an effective, simple way to make real changes to your life. Life Coaching is an often misunderstood therapy. A life coaching partnership with an experienced therapist is one of the most powerful things you could ever do for yourself. Just a few sessions can start to unlock your potential and help you achieve more. Motivation & purpose If you’re struggling to find meaning in your daily life or feel unmotivated to complete tasks or start a new project, life coaching can help you discover why. Many of us are unsure what really drives us and feel disconnected from our jobs or pastimes. Take this opportunity to reassess how you spend your time and find the things that really inspire you. Organisation and time management Do you feel like you’re struggling to manage your priorities or time? Maybe your circumstances have changed and you’re not sure how you will cope, or things are starting to feel a little out of control. Whatever your situation, life coaching can give you new ideas, tips and tools. Problem solving Do you have a problem you need help with? Sometimes we are too close to our problems to see an effective solution. Why not get some new input to help you discover some creative solutions? Forging a path Are you taking on a new challenge or wondering what the best way forward is? An experienced life coach can help you plan your next steps. Online life coaching can be fitted into even the busiest schedule. With no travel or additional stress getting to the therapist’s office, you can spend 100% of the time focusing on results. If you’d like to learn more contact Alix Needham today. Further Reading on Life Coaching Life Coach London Achieve Success With Life Coaching Find The Best Life Coach For You 8 Reasons You Need a Life Coach Life Coaching Information Online Hypnotherapy & Coaching
How To Handle Criticism
How to handle criticism? Are you worrying about being criticised? Some people just ignore it move on . But others taking it personally. As well as becoming angry or upset. Are you getting criticism from bosses, colleagues or even family members? This leading to stress, damaging confidence and motivation? 6 ways of dealing with criticism Making a Fair Assessment Firstly try staying rational. Even after harsh criticism, making a judgement whether it’s fair or not . Was it intending to be helpful or hurtful? Message Over Delivery Secondly many people aren’t good at giving criticism. In this case focusing on the message , rather than the poor delivery will be helpful. By responding in a positive way stops the criticism impacting on you. Acknowledging No One’s Perfect Are you denying your own flaws because facing them is difficult ? Make a note of aspects of your own behaviour you’d like improving. Being aware of your own flaws means that you’re less troubled by criticism. As well as responding with well-considered answers. Stop Generalising Are you reading more into criticism? Your boss saying you’ve been less productive lately Maybe they’re just asking if there’s a problem .They’re not saying that you’re a bad worker. Stop reading more into a statement than is said. Checking Understanding Are you being defensive and not understanding where the criticism is coming from ? If so asking questions about why they’re feeling this way. Or for more detailed examples. Has there been a misunderstanding? Getting Support If you’re always reacting badly to criticism. Or feeling threatened by people in authority. Are there events in your past that you’re not dealing with? Or perhaps needing help with trust, self-improvement or communication skills? If so help is at hand. Please get in touch. Further Reading Confident Communication How to Improve Low Self Esteem Stop Being Self Critical Fear of Authority Figures Managing Conflict at Work Do you worry too much what others think?
Difficulties Making Important Life Decisions
Are you having difficulties making important life decisions? If so help is at hand. Making big decisions can be stressful, anxiety inducing and emotional. You maybe feeling paralysed, having difficulty concentrating, sleeping or eating. As well as feeling unsure how to proceed. The pressure surrounding many of life’s decisions can be overwhelming, especially without help. Get In The Right Mindset Getting some perspective when making important decisions is vital for a positive outcome. Asking yourself what’s the worst possible outcome? Are you making a ‘wrong’ decision? Are you frightened of changing your mind once the choice is made? Sometimes decisions are truly life changing. Moreover, people often overestimating how much a choice will influence their future. Are you having difficulties separating emotion from rational though?. Especially when it comes to your own life and future? Importantly a healthy mindset helps in overcoming fear of making the decision. Prioritising Understanding yourself, your values and your own thought processes is crucial when making any decision. What’s really valuable to you in this process? What are you needing to achieve? Are too many outside voices influencing your thoughts? In addition it’s worthwhile writing down the issues in order of priority. Including the pros and cons of each choice. If you’re needing more information asking yourself what you can do to get it. We all make life decisions differently – some of us are very rational and lose touch with our more emotional side whilst others listen to our ‘gut’ more. It’s important to be in touch with both for a well-considered decision. What’s Holding You Back It can be difficult getting to the core of what’s really stopping you from making a decision. Are you scared of losing something or perhaps of what other people might think? Are you scared of missing out on something and if so what is that? It’s important to keep in touch with your own ideals, priorities and values. Forgetting The Perfect Decision When you’re making a decision keeping in mind that there is no perfect choice. Each decision having positives and negatives so it’s just a case of making a decision that you’re happy with. Don’t wait for the perfect option to suddenly become clear on its own. Are you getting stuck between two black and white options or have you considered every possibility? Perhaps there is a third choice or compromise to be made. Watching Out For Common Mistakes There are a few common errors that we tend to make when making decisions. These including confirmation bias where we look for information that confirms what we believe we already know. Another is letting past events dictate to us what will happen in the future. And thirdly thinking we have invested so much in one situation it would be unwise to walk away. Many of these thought processes are hard wired into our minds and can be difficult to escape. Further Help If you’d like help exploring a difficult life choice I can help. Using a blend of coaching and advanced hypnotherapy treatments we can work together to forge a pathway that feels right for you. By looking at every option, uncovering your true feelings and fears. In short reaching a final solution. If you’d like to learn more please do get in touch.
How To Be An Authentic Person?
Are you wondering how to be a more authentic person? A question people are asking all the time. Authentic people tend to form great relationships, as well as doing well at work and generally in life. They’re seen as confident and self-assured, trustworthy and confident communicators. But what does being an authentic person really mean? And can we all achieve it? Traits of Authentic People Knowing Yourself Firstly, authentic people have spent a good amount of time getting to know and understand themselves. This involves discovering your likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. But also deeper things such as your values, motivations and beliefs. Time spent on personal growth is seen as time well spent. And spending enough time alone makes them at ease in their own company. Separating Truth From Fiction Secondly, authentic people are good at separating fact from fiction. Furthermore, existing in their own frame of reference. Being mindful of their own pressures, perspectives or beliefs helps authenticity. Setting Personal Goals Thirdly, they tend to set themselves goals and prize these over those set by society or others. Setting benchmarks which matter to them helps confidence grow and brings success more readily. Authentic Self-Expression Do you have a different persona at home, at work and with friends? If so this can be frustrating. As well as coming across as insincere. Aim to be your authentic self in all aspects of your life. Building Meaningful Relationships Authentic people are generally well liked. This is because people respond to their honesty and openness. They tend to form positive, lasting relationships. And where possible, surround themselves with other people who align with their own values. Developing Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence means they’re in touch with their emotions and comfortable speaking their own mind. They’re good at recognising emotions in others which helps build trust. They’re in tune with their own reactions and thoughts. Help to become more authentic In conclusion, honesty and openness allows authentic people to talk about their weaknesses and failures. They’re willing to ask for help when they need it. They are accepting of both their strengths and weaknesses. Learn More If you would like to learn more or seek help to develop your authenticity please do get in touch. Further Reading How to develop your emotional intelligence Confidence building hypnotherapy Online Hypnotherapy Improve Communication Skills Using Hypnotherapy
Why do I Keep Making The Same Mistakes?
There is a saying, usually accredited to Albert Einstein, that describes the definition of insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” However, humans are creatures of habit and whilst this may make sense to us on a conscious, rational level, in reality it can be much harder to escape old behaviours patterns. Repeated mistakes may manifest themselves as a number of common issues including weight problems, alcohol misuse or destructive relationships. With some thought, planning and mindfulness it is possible to change these learned behaviours. Here’s how I help clients stop repeating the same mistakes. Acknowledge Mistakes We often prefer to deny when things go wrong or chalk it up to bad luck or fate. When you do this you take no responsibility for your own life and consequently lose all power for future change. Examine what happened carefully. What could you have done differently? What is it exactly about the outcome that you don’t like? By acknowledging mistakes in this way we turn them into learning opportunities. Acknowledge What Works When things go right ask yourself the same questions. Why did that go well for you and how did you contribute to the positive outcome? Repeating positive behaviours is just as important as avoiding negative ones. Plan Ahead So you know what went wrong and how your behaviour contributed to it. Next it’s time to ask what you’ll do differently next time. Don’t be afraid to ask for help with this stage. We don’t always have all the answers – an outside perspective can really help. Practise None of us are completely mindful of our own behaviour all of the time. Practise being mindful of those moments or decisions that you usually make as habit. Are any of them contributing to your mistakes? Which can you change and how? If you’ve set yourself a new task or goal it may take a while to turn that new positive behaviour into a habit – practice makes perfect. Avoid Triggers Some mistakes are caused by our own personal triggers. For example, do you always make unhealthy food choices when you’re tired? Or perhaps you often make poor communication choices when you’re under stress. Avoiding these triggers or setting up plans to cope with them in advance helps us avoid repeating old mistakes. Stay Positive It’s not always easy to change ingrained behaviours but with self-focus and positivity it’s definitely possible. There may be setbacks but keep working at it. Simply being more mindful and asking yourself these questions will really help. Next Steps If you’d like help avoiding the same mistakes in future please do get in touch for a free consultation and we can discuss how I can help in more detail. My treatments make it much easier to start changing old behaviours and making new, more successful choices. Further Reading Online Life Coaching Online Hypnotherapy How to Break Bad Habits with Hypnotherapy Online Hypnotherapy for Relationship Issues