People pleasers want everyone around them to be happy which, at first, doesn’t necessarily seem like a bad thing. But when you always put other people’s happiness ahead of your own or find pleasing others becomes an addiction that fuels your own self-worth, then it can become a problem.
When your own self confidence and security is based on validation from others you may find that you enjoy spending time with people who require a lot of help or who are very controlling. In some cases you may find yourself trapped in destructive or co-dependant relationships where you lose all control over your own wellbeing and become susceptible to stress, low self-esteem and anxiety.
People Pleaser Traits
Do you recognise any of the following behaviours?
- You find it difficult to say no
- You hate the idea of anyone not liking you
- It’s hard for you to speak your mind
- You prefer to go along with other people
- You avoid all conflict
- You like everyone to get along
- You display signs of passive aggression
Why am I a People Pleaser?
The cause of these types of behaviour varies. Sometimes the need to please stems from a fear of rejection or failure. Overly critical early relationships such as those with parents can also play a role as can conflict and social anxiety.
How to Stop People Pleasing
It’s healthy to put yourself first sometimes. Try these tips to start changing the people pleasing behaviour patterns.
- Learn how to say no – Be firm but polite, start small and work your way up.
- Ask for what you want – Speak up! Voice your opinions and get what you want sometimes. Your opinion matters.
- Do things for yourself – Do something you want to do without worrying what others think. New clothes, new hair, new hobby – whatever makes you happy.
If you find these tips hard or you’re making little progress you might benefit from some exploring the following:
Examine your fears – You could be so afraid of rejection, failure or conflict that you need to address this before you can move on.
Test your boundaries – What would you expect other people to tolerate? Is that the same for you or do you expect yourself to tolerate more? Why is that? Learn how to identify unacceptable treatment and how to deal with it in a healthy way.
Uncover the source – Where does your people pleasing behaviour come from? Identifying this is key to initiating change.
Build self-worth – Is your self-worth purely based on what you do for other people and their behaviour towards you?
Once you’ve reigned in your people pleasing behaviour you’ll find you feel more relaxed, respected and able to build healthier relationships. Hypnotherapy is the ideal way to achieve this as it addresses the causes of behaviours rather than just the symptoms. It is a quick, safe and effective way to gain a healthier perspective and develop new behaviours.
For more information on hypnotherapy or to discuss what I can do for you please do get in touch and I’ll be happy to help.