In the past comparing ourselves to others was less of a problem. We were exposed to less glossy and idealised images and had less of an insight into the aspirational moments in other people’s lives.
Today things are different. Social media and magazines, plus our preoccupation with perfection and accomplishment, mean it’s never been easier to compare yourself to others and feel like you’re lacking. Doing this too much can dent our confidence, shake motivation and make us feel like failures.
If you want to stop comparing yourself to others, try these steps.
Separate Reality From Idealism
When we envy or idolise other people we’re often only focussing on the positive aspects of their lives – usually the part they choose to share. It’s important to understand that this creates a skewed view of them and their situation. Imagine what the rest of their life might be like. It’s rare that we ever really know the full story.
Replace Negative With Positive
When comparing yourself to others it’s easy to turn their positives into your negatives. “They are so clever, why am I so stupid?” but this forms an unhealthy bond with the person you’re envying and damages your own self-esteem. Instead, try and appreciate people in a positive and constructive way. “They are very good at maths but I am very good at English”.
We’re not all the same and we all excel in different ways. If you compare yourself to someone else and feel you’re lacking in a certain area, think positively about what you could do to build upon it – work on an aspect of your personality, learn a new skill or take on a new challenge.
Set Realistic Goals
Instead of comparing yourself to other people focus on who you are, who you want to be and how you can achieve things for yourself. It’s much healthier to compete against yourself and set your own standards and goals. Their circumstances could be completely different to yours – we are all presented with different challenges, opportunities and paths and it’s how we use what we have that matters.
Know Who You Are
The people who compare themselves to others most often are usually people who feel a bit lost in life. If you feel you lack confidence or have low self-worth, or perhaps you’re not sure what really makes you happy or what you want to achieve, it’s common to seek answers elsewhere. First, work on understanding your own self and desires.
Life Coaching & Hypnotherapy
Life coaching helps people find focus in their lives, set goals and make real progress. I help many clients using coaching skills and you can replicate a few on yourself. Ask yourself why you feel envious of another person, what aspect of their life do you feel is missing from yours? Is there anything practical you can do to work on that?
Hypnotherapy is useful for people who have low self-esteem, lack in confidence or are constantly comparing themselves to others. We can explore when this behaviour started and why it developed, as well as working on rewiring the mind to appreciate yourself more and view others more realistically.
If you’d like more help with any of the issues in this article please do get in touch.